Si-Nae Shim Alejandro Mendoza guam kidnapping kidnap abscond absconds children kids Christine Bae child molestation sexual abuse
SOCIETY
Bizarre Korean wife absconds with kids story
We've only heard from one side, but it would seem that either way, someone is absolutely neurotic
Hanopolis | 4:20am, Tue, Mar 9, 2010 | Comments (17)
There's a story about an American (Hispanic-American, perhaps) husband who is married to a Korean wife for 12 years, and somehow, in some bizarre twist of fate, together end up in Korea with their two children. Afterwards, through another strange turn, he leaves the country alone, whereupon arriving in America discovers that the wife had plotted to abscond with the kids while also charging him with child molestation. The wife warns him to stay away or risk being arrested in her home country. Undeterred, he flies to Korea to discover she has disappeared, won't answer calls or her emails, and finds that the local police only laughs at him and threatens him with arrest.
To be sure, it's a sad, weird and hard-to-know-what-to-believe kind of tale.
Moreover, on several levels it is troublesome, not least because the story involves 1) another tired and cliche Korean female/Western male couple drama, 2) a possibly a neurotic/psychotic Asian female, and 3) paints Korea in a relatively negative light.
The story
According to the NY Post, "a globetrotting concert violinist who absconded with her son and daughter in South Korea last year was arrested in Guam last week, sparking hope for a New Jersey father who has waged a ferocious court battle to get his children back.
"But Si-Nae Shim, 33, was traveling alone -- and so far has refused to divulge the whereabouts of the two children, Kristian, 5, and Haerin, 3, said a lawyer for her husband, Alejandro Mendoza, of Dumont, NJ.
"Shim was busted Wednesday as she arrived at the airport in Guam, a US territory. Bergen County authorities expect she'll be returned to New Jersey by Friday, said Mendoza's lawyer, Jennifer Brandt.
" 'Now that she's in Guam, we're able to arrest her and bring her back,' Brandt said.
"Shim's arrest is the latest turn in Mendoza's custody battle, which has been mired in global politics and red tape because Korea does not observe the Hague Convention governing international custody battles.
" 'This is the most destructive thing that could happen to a parent,' Mendoza told The Post.
"The nightmare began in February 2009 for Mendoza, 47, when at Shim's request he took a temporary teaching position she had arranged for him at Suwon University in South Korea. Shim told him she wanted to expose their children to her country's culture.
"Mendoza and Shim had lived as a couple in New Jersey for 12 years. Mendoza, a Juilliard-educated violinist, gave music lessons and commuted to Manhattan to perform in orchestras for Broadway shows such as 'The Lion King' and 'West Side Story.'
"But once they arrived in Korea, Shim orchestrated a scheme to permanently push Mendoza out of the picture, he claims on his Web site, bringthekidshome.org.
"Without his knowledge, Shim gave her children Korean names and erased his surname from their identities, according to the site.
"And a month into the trip, Mendoza realized his salary was only half of what his wife had promised. So in April, he flew back to the United States, hoping to earn enough money to move his family back to New Jersey.
" 'My wife took me to the airport, and I hugged everybody one by one,' said a tearful Mendoza. 'I hugged my son last and told him I would come back in eight days. It's been almost a year since I've seen him.'
"Two days after he arrived home, his wife called him, saying he had molested their daughter and shouldn't return to Korea, Mendoza's web site says."
In regards to Mendoza's story, NBC New York wrote, "Shim allegedly convinced Mendoza to move to a town south of Seoul. He says they were hurting financially so he returned to America to wait for his family that never showed up.
"Shim tells the court and Korean authorities a much different story.
" 'Mrs. Shim, the mother, was told by her 5-year-old son there was some type of sexual abuse by the father to the 2-year-old daughter,' said Shim’s attorney Christine Bae.
"Attorneys for Shim will provide the court with a South Korean psychiatric evaluation and a criminal report about the alleged incident. Both are dated nearly a month after Shim says she found out about the alleged sexual abuse."
Of course, Mendoza denies the molestation charges. NBC New York says Shim will be extradited on March 12 and that she plans on fighting the criminal charges.
Korean police
On Mendoza's website, he talks about his experience with Korean police. He writes, "The following day I visited the police station to volunteer to an interrogation as I thought that I would answer all their questions so they could see my innocence in this terrible, criminal false accusation that my wife made. I was very naïve to think that justice would be done.
"From the beginning the interrogator was very hostile and laughed at the answers I gave through an interpreter. He told me that he did not believe anything that I was saying and that I would be arrested. Suddenly reality was very difficult to understand. I have never hurt anybody; I have dedicated my life to do something good for society, for the education of children. I have brought music to many people in many places, and here I was about to be arrested in a foreign country. Then I remembered that my wife and her mother have a habit of bringing “presents” in Korea whenever they go to an important meeting. To job interviews, or whenever they need something from somebody; they always bring a present, which most of the time is an envelope with money inside. The bigger the favor they need, the bigger the envelope.
"But I am not from this culture of bribes so I am not able to do it. It is a very dangerous thing to do as it is illegal; but locals can do it well and it is accepted. Then the detective said that the arrest would come in a few days as he needed the proper order from above to do it. I was free to go for now. That night I left Korea not to return. I would continue my fight for truth, justice, and most of all for my children, but not from inside a jail in a foreign country. It would be a double tragedy if I was jailed unjustly and then if anything was indeed happening to my children, I would be locked and prevented from protecting them."
Obviously, the picture being painted is not pretty. Mendoza suggests that the police is utterly corrupt and disdainful of citizen and/or foreigners' right to justice. He also suggests that they were influenced by bribes to arrest him or require bribes in order to carry out their duties. He further adds in a back-handed slap sort of way that unlike his wife and mother-in-law who are accustomed to bribe-taking and receiving, he is not from a "culture of bribes" and consequently found himself unable to play the game.
Problematic story
The story is problematic. There are too many unanswered questions. And the events are simply bizarre for a couple married for 12 years with two children.
While everything may have happened as exactly as Mendoza claims, the story is arguably a one-sided one. And we've yet to hear the other side.
But either way, whoever is right, it would seem that one or both couples are unquestionably disturbed.
To be sure, it's a sad, weird and hard-to-know-what-to-believe kind of tale.
Moreover, on several levels it is troublesome, not least because the story involves 1) another tired and cliche Korean female/Western male couple drama, 2) a possibly a neurotic/psychotic Asian female, and 3) paints Korea in a relatively negative light.
The story
According to the NY Post, "a globetrotting concert violinist who absconded with her son and daughter in South Korea last year was arrested in Guam last week, sparking hope for a New Jersey father who has waged a ferocious court battle to get his children back.
"But Si-Nae Shim, 33, was traveling alone -- and so far has refused to divulge the whereabouts of the two children, Kristian, 5, and Haerin, 3, said a lawyer for her husband, Alejandro Mendoza, of Dumont, NJ.
"Shim was busted Wednesday as she arrived at the airport in Guam, a US territory. Bergen County authorities expect she'll be returned to New Jersey by Friday, said Mendoza's lawyer, Jennifer Brandt.
" 'Now that she's in Guam, we're able to arrest her and bring her back,' Brandt said.
"Shim's arrest is the latest turn in Mendoza's custody battle, which has been mired in global politics and red tape because Korea does not observe the Hague Convention governing international custody battles.
" 'This is the most destructive thing that could happen to a parent,' Mendoza told The Post.
"The nightmare began in February 2009 for Mendoza, 47, when at Shim's request he took a temporary teaching position she had arranged for him at Suwon University in South Korea. Shim told him she wanted to expose their children to her country's culture.
"Mendoza and Shim had lived as a couple in New Jersey for 12 years. Mendoza, a Juilliard-educated violinist, gave music lessons and commuted to Manhattan to perform in orchestras for Broadway shows such as 'The Lion King' and 'West Side Story.'
"But once they arrived in Korea, Shim orchestrated a scheme to permanently push Mendoza out of the picture, he claims on his Web site, bringthekidshome.org.
"Without his knowledge, Shim gave her children Korean names and erased his surname from their identities, according to the site.
"And a month into the trip, Mendoza realized his salary was only half of what his wife had promised. So in April, he flew back to the United States, hoping to earn enough money to move his family back to New Jersey.
" 'My wife took me to the airport, and I hugged everybody one by one,' said a tearful Mendoza. 'I hugged my son last and told him I would come back in eight days. It's been almost a year since I've seen him.'
"Two days after he arrived home, his wife called him, saying he had molested their daughter and shouldn't return to Korea, Mendoza's web site says."
In regards to Mendoza's story, NBC New York wrote, "Shim allegedly convinced Mendoza to move to a town south of Seoul. He says they were hurting financially so he returned to America to wait for his family that never showed up.
"Shim tells the court and Korean authorities a much different story.
" 'Mrs. Shim, the mother, was told by her 5-year-old son there was some type of sexual abuse by the father to the 2-year-old daughter,' said Shim’s attorney Christine Bae.
"Attorneys for Shim will provide the court with a South Korean psychiatric evaluation and a criminal report about the alleged incident. Both are dated nearly a month after Shim says she found out about the alleged sexual abuse."
Of course, Mendoza denies the molestation charges. NBC New York says Shim will be extradited on March 12 and that she plans on fighting the criminal charges.
Korean police
On Mendoza's website, he talks about his experience with Korean police. He writes, "The following day I visited the police station to volunteer to an interrogation as I thought that I would answer all their questions so they could see my innocence in this terrible, criminal false accusation that my wife made. I was very naïve to think that justice would be done.
"From the beginning the interrogator was very hostile and laughed at the answers I gave through an interpreter. He told me that he did not believe anything that I was saying and that I would be arrested. Suddenly reality was very difficult to understand. I have never hurt anybody; I have dedicated my life to do something good for society, for the education of children. I have brought music to many people in many places, and here I was about to be arrested in a foreign country. Then I remembered that my wife and her mother have a habit of bringing “presents” in Korea whenever they go to an important meeting. To job interviews, or whenever they need something from somebody; they always bring a present, which most of the time is an envelope with money inside. The bigger the favor they need, the bigger the envelope.
"But I am not from this culture of bribes so I am not able to do it. It is a very dangerous thing to do as it is illegal; but locals can do it well and it is accepted. Then the detective said that the arrest would come in a few days as he needed the proper order from above to do it. I was free to go for now. That night I left Korea not to return. I would continue my fight for truth, justice, and most of all for my children, but not from inside a jail in a foreign country. It would be a double tragedy if I was jailed unjustly and then if anything was indeed happening to my children, I would be locked and prevented from protecting them."
Obviously, the picture being painted is not pretty. Mendoza suggests that the police is utterly corrupt and disdainful of citizen and/or foreigners' right to justice. He also suggests that they were influenced by bribes to arrest him or require bribes in order to carry out their duties. He further adds in a back-handed slap sort of way that unlike his wife and mother-in-law who are accustomed to bribe-taking and receiving, he is not from a "culture of bribes" and consequently found himself unable to play the game.
Problematic story
The story is problematic. There are too many unanswered questions. And the events are simply bizarre for a couple married for 12 years with two children.
While everything may have happened as exactly as Mendoza claims, the story is arguably a one-sided one. And we've yet to hear the other side.
But either way, whoever is right, it would seem that one or both couples are unquestionably disturbed.
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I didn't think you would mention the interracial aspect of this couple as the man is hispanic, but your response does not surprise me. Just give people a chance whether you agree with interracial marriage or not. You don't know anything about these people, so don't be so negative.
The mother may be neurotic/psychotic or just like a little girl who wants to run away. Who knows? It's all pure speculation.
Anyways, you need to have a more positive attitude. Don't be so negative.
At least, they are both similar career wise and he did go to Julliard. People are people. It's not like there are SO many Asian/hispanic couples. Chill out.
Why is this issue so personal for you? You should try commenting on some other stuff, too. Laos was a good start. See if you can find any more interesting errors.
You're missing the big picture.
Alright.
That's great news. Where are those stats? I haven't seen anything indicative as to what you say in "not far behind as far as dating non-Asian".
Haven't we gone over this already? This isn't the 1950s. It's 2010. People aren't hating on mixed couples; Asian women in mixed relationships are the ones who are hating.
It's not the healthy mixed couples that were ever the problem. And unhealthy mixed couples don't need your defense. They're very busy lobbing ugly comments about me and your daddy and people who look like me or your daddy.
Your framing of this issue is out of sync with the times. Asian women in mixed relationships are no longer victims; they're the ones [not all, but too many] who are aggressively hostile. So, if you wanna be a hero, defend your father and your brothers. They're getting pummeled by these women, the media and unfortunately, you as well.
No one has brought up purity as an issue. This is a red herring.
We agreed on this already.
Are you intentionally doing this to confuse the issue?
Actually, I have a male relative that is far more likely to date a non-Asian than I am. He's just very unique as an individual, period, not sexist, but I don't think a lot of Asian women would like his personality type. I could see a white woman liking him.
It's is 2010, but racism is still alive, so let's be understanding of that and other people.
I am very connected to my identity and that is why I would not date a white man who probably has no experience of racism or understanding of what it is to be a minority. I want to marry a Korean man that grew up in a Korean family and understands what it is to be a Korean in our society. I hope most Koreans will understand what it means to connect with someone like themselves. We can be a great support to eachother, but let's love everyone.
I am baffled by your bewilderment.
Please re-read comment #7: http://hanopolis...rcissistic-women
Asian men dating non-Asian women is a good thing in this particular socio-political environment. Why? It has nothing to do with mixed babies or even mixed marriages being good/bad but because their relationship counters prevailing negative stereotyps about Asian men, including the perception that their only shot at romance is with an Asian woman. [Of course, if that Asian woman happens to be born/raised in the U.S., it won't be much of a chance.]
Similarly, because there are negative stereotypes involved with black men/non-black women dating/marriage, it's a good thing whenever a black woman dates/marries a non-black man.
In both cases it has nothing to do with the gender or the ethnicity per se. It's about countering negative stereotypes, perceptions and improving unhealthy social group dynamics.
Asian men and black women dating more outside their group would signal a healthier social development. Of course, if this went "too far" and Asian men or black women (as black men and Asian women today) began dissing or putting down their counterparts, that would not be a good thing.
Some people think that there should be racial parity in everything. Since there are this % of people in the population, that means that there should be this % in colleges. But that's not just how life works. Equal opportunity does not mean that a certain outcome SHOULD be realized, just that everyone has a fair chance to realize that outcome. Think about it. If there were only one group to have more interracial matches, who would you choose based on probability? I think it makes more sense that there would be more interracial Asian female pairings. Why? Because Asian women pay more attention to their appearance than Asian men. I know that the recent immigrant population also has to do with it. Who do you think fits in better with their gender ideal? Fob Asian men or women? Also, add to the fact that a lot of Asian men don't ask out non-Asian women and what will you get? So is it exactly a surprise? No.
I believe that people should be able to do whatever they want as long as it doesn't hurt other people. I don't expect other Asians to validate who I am as an individual. I actually think it makes sense for people to emphasize culture rather than race. Because at the end of the day, it's your beliefs and attitudes that determine how compatible you will be. That is where the true connectiion lies.
I've seen some mixed relationships. I respect anyone who can make their marriage work, but what some couples do is think that love is all it's about about. Culture plays a larger role when it comes to marriage and family because there is a greater responsibility. So although I respect people to date who they want, I think it is important for people to know what they are getting into. Identity is very important to me. Values and beliefs are very important to me. So that is why I seek a Korean partner, but maybe for some people, they just want someone to love. So any lovable human will do. When I see trash with trash, I don't care about race. But when I see a great Asian guy/girl with someone not worthy of them, I cringe, not because it has anything to do with me, but because they are missing out on what they deserve.
Interracial dating is fine, but people should consider seriously who they marry.
There is a strong IR dating backlash for a reason. If you want to date outside of your ethnic background then by all means go right ahead, but don't throw a fellow brother under the bus while you're doing it. If you expect Asian guys to merely sit back and embrace getting sh2t from not only non-Asians but also their own sisters, you are either naive, ignorant or someone who seriously lacks empathy.
When an Asian guy hears the words, "I don't like Asian guys", "I only date white guys" or "I'm only attracted to white guys" from his own kind time and time again, it is psychologically devastating. Let me put it into perspective since you just don't seem to get it no matter how many times its presented to you.
Imagine if more than half of all KOREAN men you encountered starting from your young adult life said they didn't date Asian women period. You go online checking dating sites, forums, classifieds and see this strict requirement of "I only date white girls". One of their justifications is because Asian women have a bad reputation of having STDs or they're just too f2cking flat chested with no a2s.
Initially, you might claim to be able to "brush it off" easily like water off a duck's back, but when it becomes a pattern you will begin to do what Asian men are do now - question. Your heart will begin to fill with mixed emotions beginning with jealousy, insecurity, sadness, anger and eventually resentment towards one of two people - the other gender or even worse, your very own self.
And if you say you're so sick of hearing about this topic coming from Asian men, well at least you are now fully aware that it isn't a trivial issue among merely *a few* bitter Asian men as you might believe.
How about another anecdote?
http://www.bigwo...1/#comment-26574
http://masirjone...de-to-asian.html
I do hope that you feel better and put this behind you. Bitterness will only eat you up. There are lots of women who would love to date Asian men. Don't just go to a random woman and expect her to say yes just because she is Asian. You're not, I hope, going to date 98% of Asian women. So just date who you want.
Do you really want to date someone who trashes Asian men? As good as someone looks, you don't know whether it will work out between you two. Don't focus on other people. Focus on yourself. What can you do to attract more women?
I am not seeing lots of AF/WM couples in my social circle or adjacent ones, so I never really saw it as a problem. Look, you can't control what other people do. You can only control yourself. So the best thing to do is just focus on yourself. Isn't that what matters in the end? Your own life and happiness?
This is absolutely true. No one ever had a real problem until they began the bashing. In fact, under normal circumstances, when your women are envied and desired by outsiders, it's a source of pride. It suggests that your people are beautiful and your civilization is admired. But Asian women have used this as an opportunity to betray their own. They fail to realize that a large part of their perceived beauty arises from their identification with their culture and civilization.
This is the tragedy and the farce.
Outside racism we can deal with. It's a foreign object. But betrayal and treachery, that's another matter. It's like dealing with cancer. It's something that's borne and growing within yourself. It's a tumor inside your own body.
And this thing about "only dating white guys"? Jeez, I wish that was it. It would demonstrate some discrimination. Those days are gone. Asian women date anything.
http://www.bigwo...1/#comment-26574
http://masirjone...de-to-asian.html
Interesting reads.
Frankly, wallowing in this stuff is very psychologically unhealthy, although it's something that must be acknowledged and revisited occasionally. Actually, most "minority" issue stuff is emotionally deadening. It leaves me with a negative feeling, generally.
That's one reason why this is a "Korea" blog that occasionally discusses Asian American issues rather than an Asian American blog. The latter suggests that you are a minority and a subset of American society still struggling to fit it. Bleh. Depressing. Discussing racism, stereotypes and related issues all the time is a big downer. Ultimately, we're just human beings (actually, more than that). Being Korean or Asian is just one facet of what we are, but it's not everything. And we shouldn't make it everything. We shouldn't be consumed by our ethnic identity.
It's really sad that women have a hard time understanding this. But then, even a lot of Asian guys are pretty clueless. But I'm really not sure how many different ways we can rephrase the same ideas...
Yes, we've noted that this is not personal. This is a macro social issue.
For instance:
- If you're a rich, educated black guy and you no longer live in poverty, that does not mean poverty, crime and poor education in your community should stop being a concern. Poverty, poor education and delinquency are wider social issues affecting all blacks.
- If you're gainfully employed but unemployment is running 15%+, the economy should still be a worry. It's small consolation to tell the guy who is unemployed to just look harder. Individually, we can reeducate ourselves and make ourselves more employable but there is still a wider economic problem that needs addressing.
- If your kids are well adjusted and educated but the youths in your community are getting pregnant, dropping out of school and going on shooting rampages, youth delinquency should be a concern. It's a wider social issue that ultimately affects everyone although your kids may be fine.
- If you're an older Asian grandpa, self-hating Asian women should also concern you because it's an issue in the community. When you're daughters and granddaughters are hating themselves and spitting on their brothers, it should be a reason for some consternation. It's a sign that there is a mental disease in the community and it needs to be identified and uprooted.
We addressed this already. Parity is not really the problem although it may be a sign of one.
It's perfectly natural for minority females to outmarry/outdate more than the guys. Women are by nature less loyal to their "tribe". They're quicker to change allegiances. It's just their nature. Moreover, foreign women are always more easily accepted by any group. So all this can be adjusted for by comparing Asian women with other minority women. Result? Asian women outmarry more and diss their culture/brothers. It's a very ugly combination.
Of course, we agreed on this already.
But the words and actions of Asian women have bled over and is affecting all of us now -- it is hurting other people; it's hurting all Asians. It's putting Asians in bad repute and making Asian men into laughing stocks. Why is this so hard to understand? Again, this is not personal. It's societal. It affects everyone who looks Asian.
All things being equal, I don't care what any individual person does, but no Asian person should sit quiet and let some loudmouth Asian women denigrate Asian men and Asian culture in general with their words/deeds which are in sum affecting how larger society thinks about Asians in general and Asian men in particular. It's time for some push back. Those who advocate indifference have a very narrow sense of "self" or socially irresponsible. I don't advocate that one tries to force them into line but at least acknowledge that their words/deeds are reprehensible. That small step would represent a big step forward for the Asian community that have hitherto dismissed it using similar arguments to yours.
It's embarrassing to hear and read about how Asian women are comporting themselves. It's sad, pathetic, shameful and embarrassing. I don't enjoy reading about how everyone thinks Asian women are yellow cabs, easy lays, self-hating, or won't date their own kind. Asian American women, as a group, need to take a look in the mirror and figure out what the hell is wrong with them (No need to tell Asian men to look in the mirror; we already do). Help us help you for all of our sakes, including our children and those yet to be born into a society that is producing these creatures with shamefully embarrassing mental problems.
And that's what we're doing! No this isn't about me. Its about my fellow Asian (Korean) brothers.
Do you really want to date someone who trashes Asian men? As good as someone looks, you don't know whether it will work out between you two. Don't focus on other people. Focus on yourself. What can you do to attract more women?
Of course I don't! I've only heard it enough times to want to puke on their faces. And how do you know I don't have a beautiful Korean gf already? If you think I am fighting exclusively for selfishly motivated reasons you're misconstruing the entire premise of my argument.
I am not seeing lots of AF/WM couples in my social circle or adjacent ones, so I never really saw it as a problem. Look, you can't control what other people do. You can only control yourself. So the best thing to do is just focus on yourself. Isn't that what matters in the end? Your own life and happiness?
That's great you want to date your own, but it'd be helpful if you didn't turn a blind eye to the negativity has been plaguing Asian men for decades. You don't see it in your social circle. Well that's wonderful and I hope it stays that way.
And its great you want to defend couples of mixed races, but it'd be even better to see a woman such as yourself defending your Asian brothers when one of your sisters begins trash talking one. AF/WM couples don't need any additional damn defense. They have themselves which is more than enough already.
Thus why we cannot depend on them to do right by us. Asian American women have absolutely no incentive to help us. They have changed sides. Their allegiance lies elsewhere. They'll throw any one of us under the bus to ensure they and their half-breed offsprings are members of American society. Appeal to logic and sense? Forget it.
And you don't call yourself a misogynist? Well, then, if this is true, why bother doing anything? If women are so disloyal, what can be done?
As for masirjones,
If your girlfriend is a beautiful Korean American, then why the bitterness? You're not cooly discussing what is happening, but being very bitter and so I wonder whether it is more personal for you. What is different about your girlfriend from other Asian women?
You just can control other people. If you really want to change this "trend", then make lots of Asian female friends and introduce them to your male friends. Start an Asians only dating service.
Men are more violent and less law-abiding than women. Is that misandry?
Maybe my view is incorrect but it's not informed by misogyny.
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